Words

“Controlling groups really make a big deal out of being persecuted. This
conditioning produces a strong reaction when something negative has been said about your group or its leaders. This emotional reaction usually causes you to discredit those who speak out against the group, its policies, your leaders, or their teachings. ‘This is persecution,’ you cry. You don’t think about it, you don’t analyze it. You conclude it’s persecution. This is the language of non-thought.”
–Mary Alice Chrnalogar, Twisted Scriptures: Breaking Free from Churches That Abuse

“The winds of deception are fiercest and most destructive when truth is close at hand. It is at this point that the deceiver goes on the defensive, and the tactics used to evade exposure are usually greater in number and complexity than the tactics used to groom others for abuse.”

“Abusers are likely to use four types of defenses when confronted: denials, excuses, justifications, and comparisons.“

Denial: The abuser subtly or overtly casts doubt on an accusation.
Excuses: The abuser acknowledges something wrong has been done, but casts blame on another party.
Justifications: The abuser rationalizes the wrongdoing.
Comparisons: The abuser uses other issues or people as examples to make the wrongdoing seem less serious.

–Wade Mullen, Something’s Not Right: Decoding The Hidden Tactics Of Abuse And Freeing Yourself From Its Power

“The next characteristic of spiritually abusive systems is that a misplaced sense of loyalty is fostered and even demanded. We’re not talking about loyalty to Christ, but about loyalty to a given organization, church, or leader… disloyalty to or disagreement with the leadership is construed as the same thing as disobeying God. Questioning leaders is equal to questioning God.”
–David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse

“Only that fellowship which face much disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both. A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. Sooner or later it will collapse.

Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hindrance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive. He who love his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial.”
–Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

“To pursue union at the expense of truth is treason to the Lord Jesus.”
–Charles Spurgeon

“If the enemy of our souls can appear as an angel of light, then surely an evil human being, who is in fact mimicking him, can appear well clothed, theologically articulate, and beautiful to the human eye… ‘Self-deception functions as a narcotic in protecting us from seeing or feeling that which is painful to us.’ … Like opioids, deceptions block pain, help us relax, and help us calm down because, by way of deception, we have ‘fixed’ what was distressing… Again and again, our judgement is twisted by lies until deception is a habit and the power to recognize and choose what is good dies… ‘The penalty of deception is to become a deception, with all sense of moral discrimination vitiated…’”
–Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority And Abuse In The Church

“As with all the other tactics we’ve discussed in previous chapters, intimidation is about control, and abusers use this tactic because they already have a measure of control over their environment. Accountability is absent. This can be true even of entire boards, organizations, or communities. The less accountable an abuser is to higher authorities, the more brazen the abuser can be. Unfortunately, this often results in the organization becoming abusive as well, mirroring the abuser in their use of attacks.

One of the most difficult moments for a survivor is when their story, told to the leaders of the organization with the expectation that it will be met with light–a listening ear and a compassionate heart–is instead met with darkness–a refusal to listen and a hard, cold heart–and the survivor is sent away still shaking under the weight of an unshakable yoke, still seeking escape from inescapable walls, still in possession of secrets that possess them.”
–Wade Mullen, Something’s Not Right: Decoding The Hidden Tactics Of Abuse And Freeing Yourself From Its Power

“Controversy for the sake of truth is a divine command.”
–Walter Martin

“In case after case of spiritual abuse, there is a pattern of self-protection and self-gain by the abusive pastor. It’s not necessarily monetary gain, though sometimes that is the case… for most bully pastors, the ‘gain’ they seek is control and power. Sitting at the top of one’s own little empire is intoxicating–so much so that they will not let anyone take it away from them without a nasty fight.

This was Jesus’ complaint against the abusive leadership of the Pharisees: ‘They love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplace’ (Matt. 23:6-7) This first negative quality–doing ministry for one’s own gain–leads to the second. If someone is motivated to protect their power and authority, then that naturally leads to being wiling to domineer their flocks.

Peter uses the same Greek work (katakurieuō) that Jesus used in Mark 10:42, which literally means ‘to lord it over.’ Peter, just like Jesus and Paul, recognized that some would-be elders are quick to squash and crush those under them. In sum, Peter says that men who are self-seeking and domineering should not be elders.”
–Michael J Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Instead, abusive churches simply present their own teachings and truth claims as the only acceptable way to believe, period. Indeed, although it’s unstated and unacknowledged, the first (devastating) commitment that members make to an abusive church is that they will allow the church to be their greatest authority on the determination of truth. They’ll listen to the leaders first to determine what truth is. Soon, their reliance on the abusive church for truth will become fiercely exclusive.

There simply will be no outside source of information that they trust. Once they believe that the church (through its leaders and members) is the final source of truth, they begin to base their decision-making on what they are told by the abusive church, and they become controlled by the church.”
–Kenneth J. Garrett, In the House of Friends: Understanding and Healing from Spiritual Abuse in Christian Churches

“Speak to those who question your group. Be willing to read the comments of former members. Don’t be foolishly arrogant and say ‘I already know because the Bible and my group give me every answer to like and therefore, I don’t need to look at anything else.’ Such closed thinking is why some people spend their entire lives in destructive groups – they believe it would be sinful if they read derogatory information about their group. That’s exactly what such groups want you to think. If your group has the truth, challenges can hold no fear for you – or for them. Truth will set you free, but only if you are allowed to hear it and only if you don’t prejudge the information.”
–Mary Alice Chrnalogar, Twisted Scriptures: Breaking Free from Churches That Abuse

“I’ve most often seen bullies in nondenominational contexts, and many are the founders, planters, and entrepreneurs who guard their churches and organizations like the extensions of the narcissistic ego they are.”

“Those who are diagnosably narcissistic may be talented, charming, even inspiring, but they lack the capacity for self-awareness and self-evaluation, shunning humility for defensive self-protection. Christian psychologist Diane Langberg says of the narcissist, ‘He has many gifts but the gift of humility.’1”
―Chuck DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse

“Heavy shepherding“ (also referred to as the “Discipleship Movement”) is a method of psychological control used by abusive churches and cults. It came out of the Shepherding Movement of the 1970s…

Heavy shepherding churches and cults can be identified by the following practices:

Submission to “discipleship partners” or “shepherds” and those in authority
Obligation to confess sin to “discipleship partners” or “shepherds”
Unquestioning loyalty and obedience to all those in authority
Obligation to intensively recruit others to join the movement
Authoritarian leadership and group experience
Conformity to the movement’s standards
Spiritual manipulation and intimidation
Hierarchical system of accountability
Legalism and control over members
Prohibition against reading any literature not approved by the leadership
Whistle-blowing on members suspected of being nonconformists
Total dependence on the movement and the leaders for approval
Fear of punishment or humiliation for questioning the leadership

–GotQuestions.org, Heavy Shepherding

“My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”
‭‭–James‬ ‭5‬:‭19‬-‭20‬

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
‭‭–Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭12‬-‭13‬

“The word of the Lord came to me: ‘Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.

”Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.’”
–Ezekiel 34:1-10

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.”

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.”
–Matthew 23:13-15, 23-24

The Bible provides clear guidance on the qualities and behavior expected of church leaders.

Here’s a biblical explanation of how a pastor’s arrogance, pride, anger, refusal to heed instruction, lack of accountability, and spreading falsehood can disqualify him. It is also important to be uncompromising in upholding the biblical standards for leadership, as the spiritual health and well-being of the congregation are at stake.

“He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.” –1 Timothy 3:6

“For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant…” –Titus 1:7

“He must not be…quick-tempered…” –Titus 1:7

“He must not be…quarrelsome.” –1 Timothy 3:3

Refusal to Heed Instruction:
A pastor who refuses to accept correction or heed biblical instruction demonstrates a lack of humility and resistance to the authority of Scripture.

Scripture:
Proverbs 12:1 teaches, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.”

Arrogance and Pride:
Arrogance and pride are contrary to the humility required of Christian leaders. Pastors are called to serve as examples of humility and meekness.

Scripture:
James 4:6 (ESV) states, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Anger and Uncontrolled Temper:
Pastors are expected to model self-control and patience. Outbursts of anger can disrupt the peace and unity of the congregation.

Scripture:
Proverbs 29:11 warns, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”

Lack of Accountability:
Pastors should be willing to be held accountable for their actions and decisions. Lack of accountability can lead to unchecked behavior and an environment of unaccountability.

False Statements and Exaggeration:
Spreading falsehood or exaggerating stories is contrary to the biblical standard of truthfulness and honesty. A pastor must be a model of integrity and truth.

Scripture: Ephesians 4:25 commands, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”