Prayer is one of my spiritual gifts so I asked if I could head up a prayer group at the church before service started on Sunday. The pastor gave me the green light and told me to find two right-hand men.
I knew two girls who I was friends with who were also prayer warriors so I asked them to help me lead as my two right-hand men. Later a deacon let me know that I shouldn’t let women lead in the prayer group.
The pastor also spoke with me in a separate conversation that he meant literal men, and to ask me to ask the girls to no longer work with me.
In the rest of my testimony there will only be four relevant people involved: the pastor, an elder, myself and the woman I was dating at the time who no longer went to the church.
(The First Meeting: The pastor, myself, the elder)
After some time had passed I had a meeting with the pastor and an elder to talk about church membership. The meeting was going well and we were in good spirits until I told the pastor I was dating someone who I might potentially get in a relationship with.
When I told him who it was, a woman who had left the church of doctrinal disagreements, the pastor’s mood seemed to change. I want to say that this woman left the church with great respect, but since the church had shifted their viewpoints from more charismatic to more reformed, some congregants ended up leaving, and she was one of them.
The pastor seemed to want to get ahead of this. The pastor gave me a strong suggestion of breaking up with her or giving up on prayer group leadership.
During that conversation I remember hearing something like this being my greatest test. I also mentioned that after prayer I felt that the Lord was leading me not to go to the upcoming mission trip and stay back in prayer.
I believe I remember him saying that he didn’t think God was telling me that, that it reminded him of King David when he should have gone to war and instead slept with Bathsheba then said, “welcome to big boy church.”
Also, I believe he said to not sear my conscience with the girl I was dating. I also remember him bringing up a conversation he had with my mother at a wedding before this to which he said that she told him that she could barely see my disability anymore. I felt like he was weaponizing my disability against me.
(The First Phone Call: The elder and myself)
I wanted to verify that the pastor gave me what came off as an ultimatum so I texted the elder who was present in the meeting. He called me and as far as I could understand he verified my concern. Not because of this reason but others, me and the woman I was dating did break up.
(The Second Meeting: The pastor, myself, the elder)
I was having another meeting with the pastor with the same elder present. I told the pastor that I had broken up with the woman who had previously attended the church, but I also told him I was stepping down from the prayer ministry and still thinking about church membership.
I told the pastor I was hurt by what he said to which he asked what he said. I told him that I didn’t like the choice between dating the woman or leading the church prayer group.
The pastor denied that he said this and then flipped it on me, alluding that I was twisting his words and was in sin and bitter. He also said that I wasn’t leading the prayer group but facilitating it. The elder was a witness to this conversation.
(The third meeting: The elder and myself)
I asked the elder why he didn’t intervene when I was told that I had twisted the pastor’s words. He told me he would talk to the pastor. I then told him that I thought the church was being a bit too strict. It felt like it was too controlling and I didn’t like how the dynamics between the women and men and their roles in the church seemed to be going.
I believe I was told that I was nitpicky, judgmental and that this might not be the church for me.
The story about my disability was reiterated by the elder. Once again I felt as if my disability was being used against me.
(The Second Phone Call: The elder and myself)
The elder talked to me on the phone after talking with the pastor. He communicated to me that It is POSSIBLE that he MIGHT have said that, concerning choosing between dating the woman and facilitating the church group.
I talked to my mom and she told me she never made the comment about my disability, but she also told me that the disability comment was made about me by the pastor.
(Final Meeting: The pastor, myself and the elder at the end)
After much prayer and decision making, I decided that this church was not for me. I talked with the pastor and told him I had prayed about this and that my journey here has come to an end.
I believe the pastor again said that I was never leading the prayer meetings, that I was still bitter and angry and the bible calls us to talk things out more and reconcile.
I told him that I already had forgiven him but I didn’t need him to be in my life anymore. I started walking away but he grabbed my shoulder saying that he was going to release me, and grabbed my shoulder and released me with the elder as his witness.
I share this story because since then I have been told that things have been said about me to others at the church in which they alluded to me being in offense.
My friend was afraid of hanging out with me and that he may be sinning if he was going against the leaders by being with me. I was also told that a church member was told that someone had called the church and told the leaders that they couldn’t excommunicate me.
I talked to every church leader and therapist I had talked to about the issue and they all denied it, so I started to wonder if this was an excuse to discredit me or act as if I was misrepresenting the church after leaving it.
I have forgiven the pastor, the elder and the church, but I feel as if I have been completely misrepresented and mischaracterized to others at the church to which I felt ostracized.
Unfortunately, this story just seems too common at the church.
I Left Antioch Orlando 