A Love Letter

To My Beloved Brothers And Sisters and Antioch:

This is a Love Letter

Please, from the bottom of my heart, I plead with you to hear this message with an open spirit, praying and trusting in the Spirit of Truth, The Holy Spirit inside of you and verifying everything I say with the word of God. Please believe that in me speaking up when I was at Antioch it was out of love for those at Antioch. The leaders, the congregants, the Body of Christ, members of the greater Church. Please believe me now that I am speaking up still out of the same heart.

For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you. — 2 Corinthians 2:4

I know you feel attacked, but I am not attacking you. I know you feel as if I am coming after your community, but I am fighting for you. I know you may be fearful of losing the beautiful place where God has intervened and has grown you and sanctified you. He did the same for me. I am so thankful for what God did for me through Antioch. I truly love all of you. It is for this reason that I speak.

Before you label my speech as coming off as spiteful, vengeful, and full of malice and full of slander, please know that it is not. But also know that the truth is far more important than any offense that this letter may bring you. You know that the word of God is offensive and you know that the Truth is offensive, because it exposes us. Our brokenness. Our pride. Our selfishness. But the truth will set you free, even if first it upsets you.

Please, I plead with you again to read this with humility. Do not prejudge. Do not filter this through eyes of pessimism. But please ponder my words that I write to you will love and then you must validate what I say with the Word of God and its proper context and interpretation. I am not writing this expecting any gain for myself, and it is by the grace of God that I can now write this in a way that is not out of a desire for vindication, to regain friendships and not out of a desire to be right, but to send you a warning of love. I am not craftily writing any of this.

Before I start, I want to justify writing this with the Word of God. When I was at Antioch I believed it was right for me to fight for the Unity of Antioch and the body of Christ. Now that I am not there I must speak out to warn my brothers and sisters, to not turn a blind eye towards sin and fight for the sanctity and holiness of Antioch. Without favoritism.

Let scripture interpret scripture. The prophets, Jesus, Paul, John and Peter. All of these men fought for the sanctity of God’s commands and the sanctity of the Church. They spoke up. Not only this, but the reformers. Luther and J.C. Ryle and countless others. You may say that I am not any of these men so how do I speak with authority? Through the Holy Spirit and the Authority of Scripture I am enabled to speak up. I harbor no bitterness doing so. We have the same spirit of God in our hearts through the saving work of Jesus and we have the same bibles.

Please be a Berean in your congregation and with the reading of this letter. These are the verses to enable me to speak up out of love.

Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. 12 If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done? — Proverbs 24:11-12

James 3:1-2, 9-11, 13-18, James 4:17,1 Timothy 4:14-16, Timothy 4:6, 3 John 1:9-10, 2 Corinthians 2:4, Galatians 1:6-10, Galatians 2:6, Galatians 3:1-4, Galatians 4:9, Luke 12:51, Proverbs 26:24-26, Proverbs 27:5-6, John 9, John 13:42-43, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Matthew 4:4,7,10

My Friends at Antioch, remember your freedom and forgiveness in Christ. Do not be governed by your shame and guilt. Do not be clothed with false humility (Colossians 2:16-23).

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. — Galatians 5:1

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. 2 This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. 3 In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. — 1 John 5:1-5

A Quick Testimony

I want my testimony to be for those at Antioch and those who leave or have left. I do not want this to be about my story although I have no problem talking about it with anyone. I will quickly admit that I made mistakes along the way and I am sure I sinned against others in frustration. However, from the beginning all of the situations I initiated that led to my eventual leaving were initiated out of love and the pursuit of truth for God and my brothers and sisters in Christ. This is my heart.

I also ask you to not read this ready to prejudge or call out hypocrisy or defend yourself, but to listen. There are so many people in and out of Antioch that have been hurt by it. Instead of reading this to self-affirm yourself or to create a victim narrative or over-spiritualize your organization and feel like it’s being attacked, I ask that you read this with sympathy and a heart to listen. I would not be writing it if I had not been praying over it and thinking about it for months. We are real people, hurt, mischaracterized and misrepresented. Do not assume ill, non-human motives.

I believe that you are being prepped for this message. Do not falsely believe that just because speaking out that I am hurting the witness of your congregation, for it is through the actions of the organization itself that it is hurting its witness. Additionally, I am not speaking out against the Gospel message of Christ or good biblical doctrine at all, so do not be quick to play the victim and assume that you congregation is being persecuted for Christ, when your own brothers and sisters speak out from the desire to protect you and the sanctity of the Gospel message and the sanctity of the Church.

To the Congregation

I am concerned that so many of you are going down the path of self-righteousness. I am concerned that so many of you are idolizing the community over Christ. You are trusting leaders blindly instead of Christ, equivalating faith in them as faith in Christ. I am concerned that so many of you are losing your joy and freedom in Christ, governed by fear and trembling that comes from the fear of rebuked or losing friends, or walking in disunity with the congregation, instead of the true fear of the Lord. I am concerned that some of your hearts are becoming cold to those who have left Antioch, but they are still your brothers and sisters in Christ. I am concerned that you are overlooking hypocrisy in your leaders. I am concerned that some of you are under the yoke of bondage or your shame and guilt over your past sins, instead of trusting and having faith in the sufficient forgiveness of Christ. I am concerned that some of you are walking in fear. I am concerned that some of you rely too heavily on leadership’s guidance instead of the Clarity of Scripture and relying on the Holy Spirit. I am concerned that some of you do not walk in your own personal faith in the Lord but your faith is that which you are told to have and how to have it by your leaders. I am concerned that you are practicing Heavy Shepherding in discipleship. I am concerned that you believe that Unity is uniformity and is to the community and not to the Unity in Christ.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. — Romans 15:5-6

Be reminded of this:

If you have replaced the word Jesus with leadership in any way, it is idolatry.

If you have replaced Jesus with community or the church, it is idolatry.

If you replace the Church with your personal community, it is idolatry.

If your identity is in Antioch instead of Jesus, it is idolatry.

A Call to Action

Please read your doctrinal statements carefully, especially if you are a church member and determine if they are something you can actually submit and commit to with a good conscience.

But more than that, look at all the scripture referenced in the church doctrine. Research that scripture in its full context, and research the concepts the doctrine is laying out.

I personally recommend you to look into the following: Bible: 7, 8, and 14, Church Discipline and Biblical Leadership.

Please just think about the practical application of this doctrine in context to yourself and its implications through application.

Does the interpretation of the Word of Knowledge nullify the clarity of scripture? Does it stifle your Christian liberty? Are you Catholic?

Does this section on church discipline conflate repenting to God and repenting to the Leaders? Is 1 John 2:19 about false teachers and Anti-Christs or about sinning believers? What about Church discipline of Elders through 1 Timothy 5:18-21?

Are the qualifications for leaders and elders being met?

Ask yourself if leadership is acting outside the grounds of biblical authority? Are they asking you to do things based on non-biblical authority and non-moral issues?

Do research on the translation and application of Hebrews 13:17. Clarify with your leadership at Antioch so that you are not walking in fear or sinning by disobeying them in some capacity and if they have the authority to tell you not to do certain things or if they have put a gag order on you in any way. Cross reference this clarification with messages by John McArther and Voddie Baucham.

Do research on the biblical calling to trust and have faith in your leaders, and if there is any real biblical basis for this. Is it a sin to doubt your leaders? Is it a sin to not trust your leaders? Or are we called to be Bereans and validate what they are saying with scripture.

Please do strong biblical research on your own to determine the correct biblical interpretation of the following concepts: Discipleship, Discord, Slander, Gossip, Unity, Submitting to Church Authority, Repentance, Division, Dissention. False Teaching / Teachers.

If you do not have a good biblical understanding of these concepts, you will walk in insecurity at any church you attend, so I would encourage you to understand these concepts well so that you can live life with certainty, faith and confidence and not fear or insecurity.

Validate everything with The Matthew 4 Method:

Jesus wards off temptation and the Devil with 3 verses and the Authority of Scripture:

“It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ ” — Matthew 4:4

“It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ” — Matthew 4:7

Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’ ” — Matthew 4:10

From this, Jesus does the following. His authority is scripture and He backs up everything with scripture. He affirms that we rely on all scripture so when the devil twists scripture, Jesus refutes with more scripture for proper context. He affirms to not test God and then He affirms to worship God and serve Him only.

Let scripture be your authority.
Don’t let people proof text scripture without validating the proper context of the full biblical context.
Don’t test God.
Check your heart that your actions are in service to God and not man.

Finally I would ask you read the following chapters and understand their wider Biblical context: 1st and 2nd Timothy, Titus 3, Matthew 18, Matthew 23, 2 Thessalonians 3, and Ezekiel 34.

To the Elders and Pastor

I am not against you and I have never been against you. I do not want to see Antioch fail, but sanctified. I do not say this out of pride or self-righteousness. I know that we all struggle and fail.

But I was at Antioch for multiple years in which I grew closer to some of you than I have been to many people in my life, truly trusting you and wanting the best for you and your families. For this reason I spoke to you about these issues while at Antioch. For these reasons I continued to persist even though I knew I would probably get labeled as unsubmissive or a troublemaker. I was and am not willing to stay quiet and see church members and ex-church members hurt. Additionally, I am not willing to see elders and pastors lead the flock of Christ astray. Remember this, this is God’s flock, not yours. He is the shepherd (John 10:7-18). I do not envy your position, I understand that it is difficult. I know the amount of stress this brings, but do not allow sin to persist within the church out of fear or losing the congregation, or what has been built over that past 11 years, but instead focus on the word of God, humility, love, and serving by example through such methods. You must trust in the sovereignty of Christ when it comes to Antioch. Do not steal the joy of your congregation. Do not steal their love and empathy. Do not suck away the wonderful freedom that Christ has given to the congregation through His work in their hearts, and not yours.

Please Repent.

Your congregation is walking on eggshells. They are governed by fear. They are under a yoke of bondage. They are uncertain of how to act around Christians who have left Antioch who were best friends moments ago, but now out of uncertainty or fear of disobeying their leaders they ostracize and ignore those who are hurting. Hurting them more.

You who strain gnats but swallow camels.

You continue to victimize victims, so quick to call out their flaws or push the blame on them. You flip the script, and plant seeds of insecurity and doubt in them. You break them down, and make the excuse that it’s for their benefit, but in reality I believe it is because you will not verify and appease concerns or take accountability for error or wrong in the leadership. I do not think that I have ever seen any of you take accountability for specific errors but instead make excuses through vague apologies saying things like: “We all make mistakes, we are continuing to grow.” Then go fix those mistakes. I have only seen you take accountability in order to misdirect or scapegoat another leader.

Again I ask you to not flip the script, and instead of hearing to respond, hear to listen. Listen and let those who approach you feel listened to, and let them open up without fear of repercussion, and every little vulnerability to be then used against them in the future. You are so concerned with responding as a leader and not as a friend.

Please don’t use manipulative tactics in your conversations. Please don’t put others down. Please don’t name call or speak ill of congregants behind closed doors.

Flipping the script is:

Building a coalition of defenders
Insisting that proper process wasn’t followed
Claiming to be the victim of slander
Attacking the character or the actual victims
Misdirecting by speaking of your own character and accomplishments
Playing the sympathy card

Frankly, it doesn’t matter if you feel as if you are not doing this. What matters is if you are. And I can tell you after hearing so many stories from members and ex-members, that you do. I have personally seen it. All the stories sound so similar.

Please be aware that even if you say that you believe you are not spiritually manipulative or abusive, it does not hold much weight and it doesn’t mean that you’re not. That’s like a bunch of politicians lying to the people but then coming together and announcing that they have checked and come to the conclusion that they have not lied. I know that these are loaded and vague terms, but they are real things that really hurt others and cause deep trauma. Please educate yourself on spiritual abuse and manipulation.

Don’t tell the congregation that if you go against leadership, you are going against the will of God. This is false teaching and holds no ground historically or biblically.

Please do not allow Antioch to become focused on performance, creating a fear that if they are “uncommitted” and not spiritual enough because they don’t go to every mission trip or life group.

There are unspoken rules at Antioch, and you and the members know that.

Preoccupation with fault and blame. Church discipline is dangled as a potential punitive measure instead of with the heart of restoration and the soul of the individual. Members know this because the leaders are rarely even clear if something is or isn’t church discipline. Members know that they will be humiliated if they leave and lose all their friends and are afraid that they may “leave the wrong way” or be spoken of as leaving with “offense”.

Truce making but not peace making. Not fixing the underlying issues, but instead weaponizing phrases like “walking in repentance” or “walking in forgiveness” as a way to place gag orders instead of resolving the actual issues.

Obscured Reality: logic applied under the framework of Antioch and its culture, but not clear and applicable scriptural reasoning.
Proof-texting scripture.
Achievement Culture.
Legalism.

Please don’t conflate the personal fruit of church members with organizational fruit and using “fruit” as your defense. It’s illogical and subjective. I can quickly say that a false church bears good fruit because of many salvations, funding of missionaries or christian operations, growth in membership. The Catholic church does all this, and so do seeker sensitive and prosperity gospel congregations. But you would not speak of their good fruit but their bad fruit. In the same way, others say that it is you who bear bad fruit.

Many, many members leaving “incorrectly” or with “offense”. Bullying. Anger. Lack of humility. Manipulation and Abuse. Ostracization. Self-righteousness. Elitism. Legalism. Arrogance. Slander and Misrepresentations. Gossipers.

These are some of the bad fruits that I have heard others speak about you, so before you use those excuses of fruit as a self-affirming measure to justify your actions, realize that it only makes you look more dismissive or arrogant.
Again, I know that this is harsh, but I say this out of love. The fruit of a controlling church could and maybe already does result in the following:

Pride, a lack of humility, arrogance. Being quarrelsome. Not living above reproach. Not being self-controlled. Not being temperate. Not being financially transparent. Lying about others. Mischaracterization of others. Slander. Spiritual Abuse. Spiritual Manipulation. Eisegesis. Favoritism. Lording authority over the congregation. Gag orders. Not being open to reason. Hijacking biblical principles for your own gain. Proof texting. Elitism. Gaslighting. Legalism. Excuse making. Hypocrisy. Boasting. Exaggerations. Leading with fear. Divisiveness.

“Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. 35 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36 But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” — Matthew 12:33-37

Please self-reflect and correct yourselves for your sake and the sake of the congregation if any of these fruits exist and persist at Antioch. I believe that many of them do, and have seen them first hand. And take accountability so that the congregation can have a reason to trust your authority instead of feeling as if it is some sort of holy mandate to trust you.

Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism. — 1 Timothy 5:19-21

Please remember for your sake that this is a severe command and the qualifications of this command have been levied against you multiple times.

Additionally, don’t add caveats to this scripture. Take up courage and do what is right.

Additionally I would like to add the following:

Please do not test the Lord your God (Matthew 4:7) by saying “Let’s see where you are in 5 years and where we are”
Please do not affirm that you know the heart of congregants. Only God knows the heart of man (1 Samuel 16:7, Jeremiah 17:9-10)
Please don’t speak for others or the perspective of others that are not there to clarify or defend themselves. (Proverbs 16:28)
Please do not speak for God saying “God is not pleased with you” or “I don’t think the Lord is telling you that” without knowing by what scriptural authority you are making that claim and letting the congregant know. In most situations a person who is coming to you with something has probably prayed and thought about their personal issue much longer than you have, so to quickly dismiss with authority can be harmful.

Please believe me when I say that I say this out of love and in no way out of spite. Taking accountability and taking on humility will only lead to more unity and trust, unless there is something much darker you are covering up. If there is, then I especially ask you to repent for your sake even if it’s hard. I say this because if you don’t and in the future you are undeniably exposed, you will have no hope of maintaining your congregation in any good faith and Antioch will crash and burn, and many people will have one of the harshest awakenings of their lives. In fact, I presume that a rude awakening is something every member will unfortunately have to come to grips with whether they like it or not. So please, quickly and swiftly resolve these issues.

If you are not holding the other leaders accountable, especially with disqualifying sin issues such as anger and pride, you are doing THEM a disservice. You are void of love in your heart for them and their family if you do not.

I say all of this for your sake. The sake of your families. For the sake of congregants.

A Call for Accountability

Congregation and Elders, especially those who know the details of the depth of the issues at Antioch (I can name you easily, so you know who you are), please fight for your church now. Not against me, but fight for accountability within the church. Fight for the sanctification and accountability of your pastor. Fight for doctrine not to be twisted. Fight for humility. Fight against the overfocus on the unity and function of the group, but back to the heart and identity you have in Christ. I would also fight against the increasing judgemental side of Antioch, always looking for the wolf, always ready to exhort. This mindset is going to destroy any of you practicing it. I do personally believe that your pastor and a couple of the elders do not fit the qualification of elders as per 1 Timothy 3 :2-3 and Titus 1:7-9. Remember that it is their end of the bargain and their promise to you in their doctrinal statements. If they cannot hold up their end of the deal, how can they expect you to do yours with such precision. This is not a call for removal, but accountability and ownership. Removal should happen as it’s necessary to your congregation’s decision. Remember that this is your congregation and God’s congregation. Not the elders and not the Pastors’. Honor them in how much they have done to build Antioch, but it is also doing them honor to hold them accountable as well. To admit and repent to the congregants and those who have left would be the best course of action. Remember that repentance is a heart change, not empty words.

If you have been sinned against or manipulated by leaders, you should speak up to the elders about it, for your sake, their sake and the sake of Antioch. You should also not let it be excused away or turned on you. You may realize that the elders won’t actually tell you you are wrong but instead reframe the conversation. Please let the issue actually be resolved. 1 Timothy 5:19-21 is for your protection and to protect the congregation.

I would also encourage you to speak up. Not to gossip or slander, but to speak up about the truth that has happened to you at Antioch. I think you will realize how similar your personal experience has been to others. Especially in how words have been used, and conversations have been framed. If the leaders are blameless, then this will be self-evident. If they are not, then you exposing this darkness for their sake with love and grace should hopefully save your congregation and not destroy it.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. — Titus 2:7-8

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. — Ephesians 5:11-14

If accountability will not be had, please heed these words from the word of God:

People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these teachers oppose the truth. They are men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. — 2 Timothy 3:2-8

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them. — Ephesians 5:6-7

If you believe what I am saying because of your own personal experiences at Antioch, do not continue to be partnered with them. It is enabling the continuation of the issues. Fight for them to cease and for the case of your leaders, don’t only call them to repentance, but help them as they take legitimate accountability for their actions. If they refuse, then remember this my dear friends. You can thank the Lord for how he has equipped you, matured you and grown you at Antioch. There are so many sweet and loving churches in this city that are fighting for the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. You will be a blessing to them. God will use you for his purposes and probably open your eyes to the joys of the greater community and fellowship of the true Church.

Take up courage and do what is right.

If you know that you will be kicked out of your discipleship houses, if you know that your friends will no longer speak to you, and ostracized you without hearing you out and trying to understand, if you know that your friends won’t come to your wedding, if you know that your name will be slandered, mischaracterized, doubted and lies will be spread about you, if you know you will lose so much of your time and investments you have poured into this place, if you know it will be crushing and hard, if you know that the leaders will try to separate your relationship, if you know others will doubt your salvation, BUT the word of God is clear to you, the Holy Spirit convicts you and you know in your heart what the right thing to do is, then again I exhort you:

Take up courage and do what is right.

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. — James 4:17

For me, when the leaders would not follow the command of 1 Timothy 5:17-21, adding caveats to it and insisting correct process was not followed, claiming that they believed I came to the conclusions I did through gossip, but never once denying the validity of anything I said, I had to accept three things.

I can no longer submit to the authority of the leadership, as it is disqualified.
It would be sin for me to continue there.
My perspective must now change to be one of warning of false teaching and false doctrine and twisting of scripture with manipulative framing and posturing to my brothers and sisters at Antioch. Yes, that includes the leaders.

From your own teaching, when was it recognized not to submit to leadership? When it was abuse or sin.

In no way do I tell you to do the same, but instead exhort you to validate if leadership has followed its promise to you in their own church doctrinal statements of the qualifications of eldership in 1 Timothy 3:2-3 & Titus 1:7-9. As James 3 says they will be judged more strictly as A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough. Leadership who will not take accountability for specific actions, leadership that lords it over others, leadership that continues in anger and leadership that does not have humility towards the congregation is no leadership at all. Its effect will be perpetuated through the whole church.

Yes, there is no perfect church. There never will be one. Because the church is the body of Christ. There are, however, local churches with accountability in their leadership, in which you then in a good conscience can trust your leaders without fear of sinning by not doing so. Churches where you can ask questions and the leaders will respond with humility and grace.

An Encouragement

I know some people who have left Antioch initially had this fear that they would backslide or shipwreck their faith, but thank God it has been just the opposite. From the moment I left, God surrounded me with family and friends to check up on me and my heart, listen and heal with me. To point me back to scripture and make sure I wasn’t bitter. Encouraging me to forgive as quickly as possible. Previous church members were quick to suggest new churches to check out and pray for me. Older Christians and church leaders met me and gave me advice and guidance. The Lord challenged my heart to grow closer to Him. With just a couple weeks I began to see everything so clearly. I began to meet Christians in so many places I went and the Lord also showed me places I could serve, witness and grow.

The reason I say this is all is because I want you to know that Christ’s saving work is sufficient. You don’t lose your salvation for leaving a church. The final say on repentance is between you and God. He will not abandon those who seek Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” — Matthew 11:28-30

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. — Jeremiah 29:13

I am so thankful for how God used Antioch in my life, and I am so thankful to God that He rescued me from there. God is loving and sovereign. You can trust in Him. Your growth isn’t going to just stop if you are seeking out God. He will provide for you (Matthew 10:30-32). God used Antioch to grow you and He used His people to encourage you and point you to the Gospel and your identity in Christ. And He can do that anywhere that you go. Do not put your hope in a community, a leader, an organization but Christ and Christ alone. Do not make your identity in a community, a leader, an organization but Christ and Christ alone.

For anyone that leaves, seek out God. He loves you. He cares about you. He laid down his life for you. Your sanctification is from the moment you are saved till the moment you die, but his sacrifice was completed before you were born. Remember that you learned a lot of good practices and doctrine at Antioch. Do not doubt everything, but discern everything. Verify what you have learned. What was good and what was twisted. What was good in principle for the sanctity and holiness of a congregation and what was implemented for control. You will probably realize that there was so much good there that you want to look for in your next church and will want to fight for in your christian friend groups. I am saying this to people who have left or are leaving. Rely on the Lord for that decision through following the Word and praying deeply being led by the Holy Spirit. Remember James 1, ask God for wisdom on what to do. Verify it with the word of God in its proper context. I say this again as an encouragement to seek the Lord and let Him guide you in the next step in your life.

An Unfortunate Reality

Thankfully God has worked in me and grown me to this point where I can move on and joyfully run to the next step of my life. But it has taken a long time of healing, waking up realizing everything I instantly lost, realizing people probably wouldn’t hear me out. Waking up and going to bed feeling like I was living a dream, the feeling of dissolution and surrealness. The anxiety I would get when I saw my friends in public knowing they thought completely differently of me, wouldn’t look at me or acknowledge me, and wouldn’t be my friend based on something that was said about me, and knowing they weren’t actually trying to pursue me and validate if what they heard about me was true. To do what that third step in church discipline is for. The shaking I would get when things were ramping up and the truth I so desperately wanted to believe wasn’t true continued to reveal itself. Believing the best could only work for so long.

The harsh reality is that if you don’t fight for your church now, and you know in your heart what I and others say is true but you have turned a blind eye and blindly trusted, then you may be the one contributing to the downfall of your congregation. Not to the extent of the culpability of the leadership, but contribution none the same. I am not trying to stir up dissension by speaking up, I am speaking up because it is the right thing to do. I desire your unity under Christ alone. And I desire unity as brothers and sisters in Christ as part of the True Church. The wider body of believers has been such a blessing to me since I have left.

Unfortunately I think there will come a day where reality and truth will force you all to admit the truth of the situation, and it will be heartbreaking and earth shattering. I do think there will be a time where you realize you are under spiritual bondage and false teaching. If that day comes, whether it be months or years, I think it will bring a lot of feelings of guilt and shame and hurt. I want you to please remember this. Trust in the promises of God. He has to be the sole foundation of your faith. Especially when you lose everything. Seek him. You will not be the first. Remember Ephesians 2. There are so many people who have paved the way before you, and I guarantee that most of them will receive and forgive you with open arms and much grieving and rejoicing weeping. What is happening at Antioch is not new and when you start doing more research on church abuse, manipulation and its tactics, you will quickly not feel as insecure or gaslit, and luckily there is much already written and researched that will point you back to the Word of God. I encourage you to remember this message if that happens so that you can see the references that I and others have documented and contributed and shared amongst ourselves that have grounded us and helped us to understand, forgive and heal.

For those who have so much at stake. Those whose whole life is at Antioch. Who have become Christians there. Who have gone for many years. Whose entire future was Antioch and shaped around it and its culture, unfortunately I think it is going to take a long time to heal. If it took me months to heal from this, I do not envy the position you will be in. I am sorry. But there will be many people there for you. And more importantly, God will be there with you, right by your side. So humble your hearts and trust in Him. You are the beloved sons and daughters of the most high God. No matter what happens, be encouraged and do not give up on Him no matter what.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, 27 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. — Galatians 3:26-29

I truly do love you all and can’t wait for the day we have open arms and are reconciled. I do believe one day it will happen. Even if you have betrayed me or lied about me or believed lies about me, don’t worry, because we serve an Awesome God who has forgiven us much more than we deserve after we have sinned far worse against Him than one another. I have forgiven all of you and pray for you daily. You may still think that these are hard words to hear because you think I am deceived. You pity me. Please do not be so confident of this stance. As far as I can tell from months of prayer, scripture searched, others talked to, loving friend’s advice, ex-member affirmations, parents support, church leader’s council, sermons watched, books read and God interceding in my heart and life, I am not deceived. I am not tempted by what I have lost from you, as I have experienced the true love of Christ and The Body of Christ as soon as I left. My heart aches for you. For those who were close to me, you will always be received at my door. You are not alone.

Please read the resources. So many of them can speak on all of this much better than I ever could, and have brought me peace and clarity. Verify that you are not being deceived. You are not trapped.

Please do not go down this dark path further.

So many people are praying for you right now.

A Love Letter

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