TL;DR: If your mom says you’re in a cult, you’re probably in a cult.
My name is Emily and I was a congregant at Antioch Orlando from Fall 2019 – Fall 2022.
For those reading this post who are at Antioch: Jason and I are not bitter, we did not leave out of offense, we are not living in unrepentant sin, we did not “refuse to reconcile,” I did not “pull him away from the church,” and any sin they accused us of was, and is, not true.
When we brought our concerns to leadership, we were falsely accused of sin, slandered, shunned, and abused.
I am sharing this to bring to the light the truth of what happened to us and to warn current and potential members of the deeply unhealthy, systematic issues at Antioch Orlando.
During my time at Antioch, I lived with the active recognition that I would one day lose all my friends if I left.
I was heavily involved with the church, serving on multiple teams, completing their discipleship school, evangelizing regularly, discipling, filling almost every night of my week with a church-related activity… My entire life was consumed. I was constantly running on empty, with ulcers and other medical issues that stemmed from a life of burnout.
But it didn’t start there, so let’s rewind.
My time at the church began with mistrust of the pastor. A few weeks into dating, he told my boyfriend that we needed to decide then on which church we were going to attend together, as I was involved in another church. Because of that poor advice, we almost broke up and I realized two things:
1.) The pastor has unhealthy control over the members
2.) There is a sense of spiritual superiority at Antioch
It also struck me odd that the church was seven years old and didn’t have any elders. Just the pastor.
I started plugging into Antioch, and then the spring of 2020 hit, right after a college ministry mission trip to New Orleans where I watched someone try to break demonic oppression over a new church member.
It’s important to note that Antioch was highly charismatic (praised Bill Johnson of Bethel, etc., tongues, prophecy, etc.).
I was pretty clearly skeptical of things that happened on that trip, including the pastor praying over me for my “control” to be broken, watching someone get publicly humiliated, and releasing college students to evangelize in downtown New Orleans at night. Wild times.
The pandemic hit, school shut down, and Antioch started virtual church. During that time, George Floyd was murdered and the Black Lives Matter movement was prominent in the news. That was a difficult time in the church for our black brothers and sisters, and they were hurting.
On a quarantined Sunday morning I sat at my desk in back my hometown, watching online church, when the pastor flew into a rage, screaming about how all lives matter, calling members “whiny babies” and “children of the Father of Lies” and yelling “all lives matter.”
Shocked, I watched until the end of the service, and then determined not to tell my parents about what I just saw because it was insane. Hours later, the livestream went down and I haven’t seen it since.
Many Antioch sermons have recently been taken down from YouTube and podcasts, including one where the pastor goes into a tirade about false teachers shortly after I left the church with my now-husband.
During the summer and into the fall of 2020, people brought up concerns to leadership, including sins they’ve seen, control, manipulation, and the like. The details are too many to detail here, but the concerns were dismissed, so people left.
Some left quietly, some left less quietly.
But those who left were slandered and shunned, often from the pulpit.
The church now claims all who left at that time were either liberal (because of BLM), offended, bitter, wolves in sheep’s clothing, or opposed to the new direction the church was taking theologically. These claims are categorically untrue, which you’ll discover if you talk to ex-members.
The pastor took the church on a rapid theological pendulum swing from charismatic (Bethel) to reformed (MacArthur), which left people confused and affected the faith walks of many.
From watching friends leave, I realized I also would be punished if I spoke up about my concerns.
So I didn’t.
From the fall of 2020 to the summer of 2022, I set aside my concerns and went “all in” at the church, serving, evangelizing, connecting, discipling, and participating in their nine-month Antioch Discipleship School, which required you to be at church for five hours every Sunday evening and long classes once a month on Saturdays, evangelize three times a week, serve on a team twice a month, read books, write papers, and attend Lifegroup and Sunday service every week.
It’s a lot.
I think it’s important to note that at Antioch, if you’re a girl and want to pray for a guy, you bring another guy, and vice versa.
During worship at my ADS kick-off retreat, the pastor prayed over me without bringing another female with him (there were many in the room). It was then that I knew that he is above the rules and he knows that.
Meanwhile, I worked full time and lived about 25 minutes away from the church and was constantly pressured from leadership to move in with girls from the church and find a new job with more time off so I could go on more mission trips.
I almost moved, but then was so uneasy about it that I prayed and God revealed through scripture that I should not move. It’s one of the best choices I’ve ever made, and you’ll see why.
In the fall of 2022, when I was asked by my discipleship group leader if I would be going on the missions trip that next summer, I said probably not because I’d most likely be getting married around that time. To that, she replied:
“Are you prioritizing yourself over God’s mission?”
Which is a spiritually immature, spiritually dangerous, and culturally-telling remark.
I immediately got anxious, knowing that if I disagreed with her, I’d be put on the watch list. Later, I expressed my concern to her about her question and she advised me to take it to the next level of leaders.
Around that time, my boyfriend was told to shun one of our friends who had recently left. That didn’t sit well, either.
One night, before we met with leadership to discuss our concerns, my boyfriend and I went on a walk around his neighborhood.
As we were talking about the issues on our minds, I told him, “I’m afraid that if I bring up concerns, they’ll see me as the issue and try to convince you that I’m a problem and try to break us up.”
I wish that my intuition wasn’t spot-on, but it was, and they did try.
We met with our section leaders (a married couple who both had discipled us and knew us well) and I brought up my concerns about my discipler’s comment, the shunning, and then made a comment about how I struggled to trust leadership because of things I’ve seen happen in the past.
I told them I was concerned that I would be punished and disqualified by them for leading if I shared my concerns.
It was three hours of mostly being talked at, with them explaining why the church does things the way it does. They defended the question, they defended the shunning. We left, feeling like it was a mostly neutral experience.
Friends who have talked to these two leaders have been told about this meeting that I was “angry” (I wasn’t, lol) and “if she doesn’t trust us, why should we trust her?”
Which is an incredibly concerning statement, as God doesn’t remove Himself from us when we struggle to to trust. He shows and proves Himself as trustworthy.
The next Sunday was my last at Antioch, but I didn’t know it at the time.
After service, I knew something was up. The two leaders avoided us and were somber. They sat us down, and my body immediately started shaking. In the next hour and a half, they told me I was living in disunity, was prideful, and was removed from discipling my two Lifegroup girls.
All because I raised concerns.
It felt like a knife to the gut.
I told them that I had never disclosed my concerns to anyone in the church other than one person in 2020, and my boyfriend. They didn’t seem to care.
They said we could chat one-on-one (the girl leader with me, the guy with my boyfriend) in days to come. I felt uneasy about this, suspecting they’d try to control us individually or try to break us up (not uncommon at Antioch), so my boyfriend and I agreed to only talk with them all together.
We tried for a week to meet with them to express how what they said and did hurt us, but they never were able to get together.
During this process, I was incredibly stressed. I was feeling heartache, my heart was skipping beats, I started to shake when I thought they sent a text to us, I was losing sleep, my hair was falling out…
On a Friday, the guy leader tried to call my boyfriend, who expressed that we’re only going to talk to them together.
The next day, the guy leader tried to call me.
This is after my boyfriend made it clear we’re only discussing things as a group so no one misses anything.
This blatant dishonoring made me highly uneasy and caused massive anxiety. Why weren’t they respecting this reasonable and healthy boundary? My boyfriend then texted in our group chat that the leader could say whatever he was trying to communicate, there.
It’s important to note that my dad is a pastor, and I was talking to him about this. He said he would never try to individually contact a woman like this – it’s highly inappropriate.
In the chat, the guy leader sent a voice memo, removing me from leading and serving in kids’ ministry. They then tried to set up another meeting, this time bring another elder-in-training to the meeting, and not having the gal leader there.
I asked why another elder would be present, as we were just talking through concerns. They said that at “this point in the process” bringing another elder in was the most “Biblical” thing to do.
What process were we in?
I requested the gal be there, so I wouldn’t be the only woman. They pushed back, but eventually agreed. They urgently tried to get us to meet ASAP, that Monday evening. We agreed, unsure of what we were walking into.
Around the couples’ kitchen table, we tried to help them see things from our perspective, that we were stressed (detailing the physical symptoms of it) and afraid of them. They were stone-faced and the gal leader replied,
“The Bible says to not live in fear.”
Side-note: If anyone ever tells you that you’re afraid of them, you should seriously consider why, and what you did to cause that reaction.
My boyfriend was removed from serving since we were so “unified.”
We were told that my problem is bitterness against the pastor and I was asked questions to try to get me to confess to it (I didn’t, because it wasn’t true and I wasn’t going to violate my conscience).
I brought up the pastor’s fit of rage on virtual church as a specific example of why I struggled to trust. They dismissed it.
We were told by us saying we were only wanting to discuss things as a group that we were “controlling” the situation.
At the end, they slid their newly created membership agreement across the table. Told us to review it, to see if we even wanted to be here. (A document that’s concerning in its own right for what it requires.)
After approximately three weeks after bringing up our concerns we were essentially being given an ultimatum.
My boyfriend and I were so distressed by the meeting that we each took four hours off of work the next day to discuss it. By stumbling across Antioch’s section on church discipline on their website, we realized we were in the second stage – when they bring in another elder to try to convince you of your sin.
The third stage is when they announce your sin before the church. And after that, shun you.
We didn’t know we were in church discipline. We didn’t do anything wrong.
Since then, leadership has told our friends that we were not in church discipline. This is untrue, as their accusations and actions align with that process. Actions determine what the reality is, not words.
After those three unsuccessful meetings, we realized nothing would change and we needed to leave. This is how we left, via text:
“Hey X and X,
Emily and I have thought long and hard about this. We’ve prayed, contemplated, and sought out counsel. Ultimately, we keep coming back to this: we don’t see ourselves at Antioch long term.
We’ve looked at the member agreement
Looked at the doctrine
Evaluated our own convictions in how the Lord has been directing us
Contemplated our concerns
Reflected on how the church has impacted our lives and helped us grow in the Lord
And after all of that, we know confidently He is moving us on.
We love you guys, and we love everyone deeply. This is a really hard decision and we will miss y’all greatly and appreciate how you’ve loved us in our time here.“
They didn’t respond for four days.
The next thing they had to say was they wanted to have an exit interview – when were we free. My boyfriend clarified, and the original guy leader replied:
“When anyone leaves the church it’s important for there to be clarity on both sides. We’re not concerned in fighting for y’all to stay at our church but want there to be clarity on the implications of leaving, where you’re at with our church if you ever wanted to come back, and we will have to field peoples questions as to why you guys left and we don’t want you guys to wonder about how we will handle those situations.”
The implications of leaving? Where we’re at with the church in case we want to come back? What will you be saying about us to our friends?
After taking a week to pray, think, and talk to friends who had been-there-done-that and highly advised against it, we kindly said we weren’t interested and wish them well:
“Hey guys! Thank you for your patience in our reply. We’ve decided we’re not interested in having another meeting. Thank you for the ways you’ve poured into us over the years, we appreciate and love you both and will miss you and everyone. We pray the Lord blesses y’all in your pursuit of knowing and loving Him and His people.”
The additional elder got a hold of my boyfriend on the phone, where he was emotionally manipulative, said things that were against me/tried to get my boyfriend on his side, and eventually said that when people ask why we’ve left, they’re going to tell them we were bitter and chose not to reconcile. The elder said: “Do you see another narrative?”
Narrative?
He said he saw no humility in me in our meeting. “We don’t see God leading you.” He also said that they didn’t agree with our decision or bless it, and that God doesn’t either.
They’re claiming to speak for GOD?
And then they shunned us.
Friends were lied to about us. A couple rejected their wedding invitation because we chose not to meet with the leadership again. Two girls left their own home that was hosting a birthday party because we were attending.
A friend, choosing not to hear my side of the situation, rebuked me and cut off fellowship, believing the slander. I was uninvited from a wedding shower. We didn’t go to two weddings because of the pain.
My discipler never replied to my goodbye text. A friend was told offhandedly that we left because of offense. Someone unfriended my boyfriend over text. We weren’t invited to close friends’ birthday parties.
I don’t know who’s reading this, but I hope you NEVER have to go through the mental, spiritual, and emotional anguish of leaving a high-control church (I believe, cult), losing your friends and watching your community turn against you.
Which is what Antioch is, unequivocally.
And like I said at the very top, if your mom tells you from the beginning that it’s a cult, it probably is.
Life is sweeter, richer, healthier, and freer after leaving. We still bear the scars, but the freedom to walk with God outside of the shame-inducing legalism of Antioch is worth the pain of leaving.
For the record – we’re not bitter and we’re not offended. We did nothing wrong. I’m here to share what happened and hope others leave before too much damage is done.
To the leaders of Antioch Orlando:
We were supposed to be the sheep of your flock and you abused us. You took our concerns and called us the problem. You defended a man with a proven problematic track record of unrepentant sins, who is clearly and Biblically disqualified from pastoring a flock.
You have consistently turned a blind eye to the unrelenting sin patterns of your institution to protect yourselves at the expense of the people of God. You have punished the innocent and protected the guilty. Your eldership is nothing but an unwavering loyalty to a deeply corrupt organization led by fallen man.
You speak and present judgements on behalf of God, who Biblically, is not pleased with your actions and who will hold you accountable for the damage you’ve done and are doing. You have every reason to feel ashamed and repent.
“You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally.” –Ezekiel 34:4
I Left Antioch Orlando 